Maybe "GONE TO THE DOGS" Is Not Such a Bad Thing After All....

So after I've written about the country going to the dogs, it is only fitting that I let everyone know that I have officially gone to the dogs myself. Not in a bad way. I have decided to become a dog owner. Terry and I adopted a puppy from a rescue in Tamarac, Florida. I can easily say, the day we picked him up was probably one of the happiest days in my life. And ever since he is at our house, weekends, weekdays, ends of days, even Monday mornings, have marginally gotten happier with his cute little face and paws in my life.

Jack, is a Jack Russell Terrier (I know, the creativity in the name selection is blowing you away!!), he's got lots of energy, is a bundle of fun and now 4 months old. I didn't know that life could be so happy when you have a pet. Any given day is happier, when you have a pet. I know that now. I never had a pet growing up. We traveled a lot, my  mom didn't particularly like pets, not to mention my whole family including myself is allergic to a number of pets, worst of all cats, so we never had a dog, or any animal in the house.

Terry had a dog and cat growing up, so he was missing a dog in the house for years, and I wish he would have convinced me sooner. The number of happy little antics and faces Jack has in his repertoire is almost unbearable, and every day he or I discover something new about life together, not to mention the amount of exercise I get now. I have lost a bunch of weight already, even though Jack is only a puppy and can't do a whole lot of  stuff yet. The countless times I pick up the dog, his toys, his bowl, take him out, go for a walk, it is amazing how the exercise adds up, and it doesn't even feel like work when you're having fun.

What a great experience, I can only recommend it to anyone. So much happiness in a three pound furry little package, it's almost unbearable. You never have the feeling of being alone, there is always someone who wants to spend time with you, he always appreciates you and at all times is happy to see you, wagging his tail, that you worry it may fall off someday.

Yesterday we took him to the beach for the first time. He was so confused. First he tried to eat the sand, when that didn't seem like such a good idea, we headed for the wet sand down by the water, another taste test didn't prove more satisfying, when he decided that walking on it will have to suffice for the moment. But then the tide kept coming in and out and he decided chasing it was the proper reaction, until one time it was faster and got him. He was so surprised by that, he just looked up at us, as if to say, "Did you see that? The water touched me!" So funny. So sweet. Who could resist that face???

It's Official: The American Dream has Gone to the Dogs

Disclaimer: This is a rant from a frustrated person attempting to purchase real estate in the State of Florida. If you're not in the mood for a rant, please exit now.

To me, since I moved here, one thing has always stood at the center of this mythical phrase known as "The American Dream": Owning a home. The one thing that everyone, whether you've lived here all your life, or just got here a week ago, is striving for, the ultimate goal, almost the very definition of "living the dream!"

Well, let me tell you something, in the ten years that I've lived here, I've seen that dream so thoroughly go to the dogs, that I can't help but wonder, what it will take to get people to riot in the streets and reclaim the "American Dream".

In the past six years I've had to watch friends and family lose their houses to foreclosure, selling their houses for way less than they paid, those who used to own houses, now being forced to rent houses, being forced out of rentals because their scumbag landlord neglected to mention he was being foreclosed on, their children being forced to switch schools because of moving, even some that came from countries like the former Eastern Block and Mexico going back to their countries for better opportunities... you name it, I watched it happen, in my direct circle of friends, family and loved-ones. American dream? More like American nightmare...

Personally, I can't really complain, I never lost anything, not, because I knew what other's didn't, but plain and simple, because I lucked-out and was at the right places at the right time, coincidentally, following my own personal "American Dream". That dream of mine led me to sell my condo in Florida right before the market went down the toilet. I moved to Boston, because once upon a time, my 13-year-old-self dreamt up Boston to be the end-all-be-all awesomeness personified. Thank goodness for that, in retrospect, because I was willing to put my head through a wall for that dream to come true. Had I not, I would've lost my shirt with the best of them... on a condo that is coincidentally right now on the market again for less than a third of what I paid in '04 and for a fraction of what the poor schmuck paid, who bought it from me at the peak of that bloated market in '06. (In fact, a realtor unknowing of my purchasing history offered it to me the other day, depressing, really....)

I was extremely lucky back then. Right now I find myself confronted with a completely different problem in real estate. I cannot find a house to buy. I know what you're thinking. That's ridiculous, half of Florida is vacant or foreclosed or bank owned, there's literally property available left and right. Hell, from where I stand right now, I can see 3 vacant units without even leaving my doorstep...BUT yet, I still cannot get my hands on it.

I have been playing this game for 6 months straight now. I have simultaneously consulted 4 different Realtors with specialties ranging from foreclosures to auction and everything in between. That was my first hurdle. In '04 when I was buying, realtor's would have held prize fights against each other for my business; Back then, used to do research for you, cart your butt around town to look at houses, hell, they'd take you to lunch, if it meant getting your business, ---falling over themselves, literally...

Nowadays, I do most of the work finding a place myself, I have to call 15 Realtors until one can be bothered to respond at all, and wait a week before anyone shows me anything. At one point, I was actually contemplating just taking the class and getting a license myself...... In a market that is seemingly flooded with available real estate, for the life of me I cannot buy a house. No, it's not because I'm picky, (well I am, but still!), not because I don't have the money, I simply cannot get an offer in to save my life. (I have that same cartoon popping up before my mind's eye all the time, me, chasing a realtor down the street throwing wads of money after him and he is running from me, funny but tragic at the same time....). Investors seem to rule the market right now, Realtors are so desperate  for work and money, they'd rather sell many units with minimal profit to the same investor, who may throw them a bone under the table here and there, than to get the average American family into a house they can actually afford and pay off in their own lifetime..

My community is called "little Russia" not like little Italy, like all cutesy, where there's pizzeria's and gelato places or Chinatown where there's Chinese takeouts and jui-jitsu parlors, ---nope this community got its name, because it is almost exclusively owned by two or three Russian investors, they buy sight-unseen. The listing of an "Active" or "available" unit is simply a formality for their Realtors, who legally have to list it, but in reality already know that they never will show that unit to anyone other than the investor, whose pocket they're in and, whom is always their first choice. Little old me, I feel like I'm this little rat caught in the wheel chasing the opportunity that never really existed....

I would bet my hide that the banks are in on this procedure by now too. A surefire way to sell more units quicker and probably for more profit than they could have hoped for, after they lost their shirt in the foreclosure crisis (which they brought upon themselves in the first place)

Now the neighborhood stabilization act was put in place, a band-aid on an already gashing and out of control wound, and will end in another ridiculous crisis, just a little ways down the road. The act, supposedly giving homeowners, who actually want to live in a house they buy (there's a shocking concept), is waaaay too easy to circumvent.

Supposedly it was put in place to now prevent all those investors from buying up every available piece of property for dimes on the dollar, like they've been doing for several years now. Finally, but as always way too little too late, the government has become afraid (or aware, considering their awesome ability of being in denial) of the Frankenstein monster it created, the almighty investor. It seemed like such a good idea, bring some investors in, people with lots of money, to save the day by buying up all this empty property, so it doesn't rot away from being vacant with no power and no A/C.

What they didn't see coming though, is that those same investors are now on track to create a foreign-owned housing majority. Congrats and bye-bye to the dream that once was, unless someone actually has the balls to enforce that law. If not, I or you won't own a house for quite some time. And then when we finally get to buy, probably in the midst of another bloated housing bubble, from a foreign investor, who will take that money right out of the country faster than you can say "American Dream" the government's faces will be long and sad !!! But that's alright, as long as the banks and Wall Street stay rich, everything's OK....

If you hadn't noticed, I'm a little fed up, just having lost another condo I was "bidding" on, to a rigged offer on a unit that never was really "available", but sold before it even went on the market.

I come from a country where these things are simple. I thought back when I moved here, Germany was so bureaucratic and I was fed up with it, but really things are pretty simple over there: You are ready to spend money, you get to buy stuff. There's something offered in the market, you give money, you get goods, a simple concept really, in a free market.... makes you wonder if that much hailed freedom in America really still exists or if it's only....well....a dream.....

The Cashier Diaries: Episode 10 - Paying it Forward

Having had a chance to reflect a bit on my old job at Target, there is one thing that I could not leave unmentioned, hence I had to follow it up with the tenth and final episode of the cashier diaries.

On one of my last days at work, I had this girl in my check-out lane. She had a baby gift registry in hand and was deciding between this or that, which is usually annoying, but in her case, not so much, because I realized quickly, it was about money. She really wanted to get this person something nice, but couldn't afford it and was hence fighting with herself as to what to do. I felt bad for her. Pretty soon she was trying to decide about whether to get the shirt or the pants for the baby, as she couldn't afford both.

That's when something really impressive happened: Human kindness. The gentleman behind her in line, said, you know, not to be eaves-dropping, but clearly you're having a dilemma here and I'd like to help out. Turning to me he said to ring her up just for the shirt and then put the pants on his ticket. She was trying to say no, it wasn't necessary, but he just nodded to me to proceed.

I rang her up and then put the little pants on his ticket, while he was handing them to her and simply said, "have a good day". She was speechless at first and then thanked him over and over and he just said, don't mention it. A complete stranger showing kindness to someone he'd never met before. It's pretty amazing to watch.

It was inspiring. The reason I remembered it now, was that on Friday when I got paid from my new job for the first time, considerably better than at Target, I decided to "treat" myself by going to Wendy's for lunch. I realize it's nothing special, but was more like a symbolic thing for me, to reward myself for finding a new job, that I like a lot and that is more rewarding.

I had a lady in front of me in one of those motorized wheelchairs, putting in her order. When it came to paying, the cashier was discretely trying to tell her that her card was declined, which I couldn't help but overhear. She was an older lady, maybe an oversight to transfer money, she was definitely frazzled and looked pretty helpless, apparently being glad to just have made it here, now faced with having to leave and come back.

That's when I remembered that episode at Target, knowing that I just got paid and told the cashier to put hers on my ticket. Both looked at me startled, but I encouragingly nodded and said, really no big deal, I'd be happy to take care of it. The wheelchair-lady was very startled and thanked me a million times, not knowing, that she was actually the one, who made my day, not the other way around.  =)

Is There Such a Thing as 'Weather Conditioning'?

I've been wondering about this for a while now. As most of my readers know I'm German born and raised. I grew up and lived there for the first 23 years of my life. Needless to say, I've seen my share of weather in Germany and it can easily be summed up in about three words: rainy, gray and depressing, most of the time. If you wanted to sum it up in one word, I think a simple, resounding "bad" would suffice. We get our fair share of rain in Germany, going along with the general gray-ness of the weather and usually, when it rains, the temperature drops. Quite frequently the drop is rather dramatic, and it gets really cold during and after the rain. This probably goes for most of Europe, or most places really. Rain cools down the temperature.

For most of the past ten years, I've called South Florida my home of choice. Florida, as everyone knows, is famous for it's gorgeous weather, great temperatures in the winter and steaming-hot and humid summers...and then there's hurricane season. Mostly that just means a lot of rain and thunderstorms and maybe one or two serious storms between June and November. However, in Florida, when the rain comes, it may get windy, it may drop a few degrees during the rain and then after, it gets hotter than it was before. Quite frequently you can see steam rising off of the asphalt outside. However, in the grand scheme of things, it's still freakin' hot, not a lot of temperature change.

By now you're probably thinking, thanks for the weather history of two random places on our planet, but what's that got to do with anything, especially me?

Well, something really weird happens to me when it rains here in Florida. I watch myself do this every time it rains here and I have no explanation for this phenomenon.  First, I get really cold feet, then I will start getting goosebumps and a minute after it really starts pouring out, you will see me rifle through my dresser drawers, digging up ski socks, leggings, hoodies, you name it. I will put on layer after layer of clothing, meanwhile it is 80 degrees Fahrenheit outside. As hot and humid as ever...

What makes me do this, I wonder? Has years of growing up in Germany, where it always gets cold when it rains, conditioned me to associate rain with cold, so much, that even when I know it is completely unreasonable, I feel cold in July in Florida, as soon as a thunderstorm is creeping in?

I find this both weird and interesting: apparently my experiences involving weather in my "formative" years in Germany seem to prevail, and clearly trump the older (and supposedly wiser) Me, and my more recent experiences. I guess you really don't easily "un-do" learned behaviors or memories like that.

HMMMM...

Please feel free to comment if you have similar experiences, with weather or otherwise, I'd love to hear them...

For comic value, I've attached a picture of me after my latest thunderstorm induced dresser-raid!!  ;-)

  

The Cashier Diaries: Episode 9 - For a Good Cause: Be Kind to Your Cashiers

I found a new job. So, as my last days at the Tar-jay are winding down, I have reflected a lot about the a work experience, that I never thought I would have in my life. Working at Target was humble pie for me, but in the end, taught me a lot. I learned to be a wee bit more patient (not much, that would be totally against my impatient, head-through-the-wall-now German nature), more compassionate for people's struggles with low-paying jobs and the life they can or rather cannot afford you, and most definitely with a new-found appreciation for the sacrifices people in retail have to make.
Working in a retail store, whose main goal, naturally, is to make more profit by offering ever longer hours, more service and more convenience, is not a hard job judging by your job description. A trained monkey can run a register. What makes it hard though, is to sacrifice your life for $8 an hour. Weekends are basically non-existent; if you have a family or even just try to have a life, you can't. You work when everyone else with regular jobs and money to spend, doesn't,-- and is having fun, seemingly at your expense, because they are just taunting you with their sun-lotion, beer and fun-noodle purchases. It really gets messed up, if you're actually doing a good job and subsequently get scheduled core hours, like Friday 1-10 or, all day saturdays and sundays, and especially Holidays. In a way, all that doing good work gets you, is being punished by even more hours, during times when others are having fun.

Hence, I want to bring your attention to a few facts that most Target Shoppers either aren't aware of, or have so far willingly or subconsciously ignored. The way I see it, if I can even convince one of my readers to give a second thought to your shopping behaviors, I've done a good deed for generations of future cashiers.

#1: Hand your "No's" to the cashier:
We've all done it, we get to the register, maybe filled our cart with just a little too much stuff and realize, maybe that dress from the 70% clearance rack is still $10 on top of what you were supposed to spend, or that Archer Farms Chocolate Truffles for $8.49 may be a just little over the top for this week's budget. It happens, we get it. The way you handle it, however, is entirely up to you. You're not going to Target-jail, for not wanting something you picked up, but don't go and chunk it behind the magazines or in the shelf with the kids candy in your checkout lane. Go ahead and hand it to your cashier. Trust me, no cashier will tear your head off, --quite the contrary! We're grateful that we don't have to go on a misguided treasure hunt in our lane when we have downtime, trying to track down the creative hiding spots you have figured out, while waiting on little old Rosemary from Century Village to pick out every last penny to make exact change. (If a cashier gives you attitude anyway, say, you didn't just want to chunk your stuff somewhere, they'll check their attitude right away and remember that you're doing them a favor.)

#2: Don't bite off more than you can chew:
That being said about handing your items back to the cashier, did you know that ANY AND ALL perishables, that includes any frozen food, meat especially, and other stuff, get thrown away if you bring them to the checkout and then decide not to buy them? Yes, this is a food safety issue. We don't know how long you've been browsing, neon-panties and cute sandals, while your ground turkey was turning old and grey in your cart. Please, this hurts my heart every time, please make up your mind beforehand on those items, Target has to throw them away, rather than risk someone getting sick. Guys, it's not just about the money, it's about the food that gets thrown out. Don't be so selfish, please think before you grab.

#3: The Speed Score:
Every cashier at Target gets evaluated by his or her checkout speed. After all, Target's motto for all their employees is fast, fun and friendly. Look at the register when you get there, you will see a percentage score, which is you cashier's "grade" if you will. This is important to understand, so I'll write it in caps CASHIERS GET WORK HOURS ACCORDING TO THEIR SPEED SCORES. The faster we are, the more hours we get. The more hours we get, the more we get paid. You may not realize this, but, your speed as a customer, directly affects the cashier's speed score, which subsequently directly affects a cashier's paycheck. I'm not asking you to greatly inconvenience yourself on account of a cashier, but understand how these things affect someone's life:
 -getting out exact change, in pennies to get rid of them
 -writing checks
 -being on the phone, not paying attention
 -walking away before all the questions on the credit/debit machine are answered
 -taking a long time to decide at the register whether you want something or not
 -trying on shoes at the register
 -price checks
 -running back in the score because you forgot something while you're already checking out

all these, happen almost daily and they will lower your cashier's speed score and hence THEIR PAY ! Please just give it some thought and just go to the register when you're ready to actually check out.

#4: Get a Red Card
Just as you're almost done checking out the cashier will get a prompt to ask you if you want to open a Target Red Card, which saves you 5% (which is just under what tax costs you in the State of Florida) on every purchase, every day at Target. Most customers will not even listen, granted they probably hear this question in every darn store they go to and are frankly quite fed up and tired of it. Again, I'll put this in caps, because it's important THE RED CARD IS NOT A CREDIT CARD, UNLESS YOU WANT IT TO BE. It comes as a debit card, just like your other one from Bank of America or Whatever bank you use, just that this one saves you 5% at Target every time you shop. No catch. That is just about $5 for every $100 you spend at Target. There is positively NO REASON to not do that. AT ALL. And once again, what helps you, helps your cashier, we don't get commission, but we get recognition and the occasional soda, candy bar, lunch or even a Target T-Shirt to work in when we get a lot of red-cards. At $8 an hour, that pretty much makes your day. Think about that, dear readers, no harm to you, saves you money, big difference for your cashier.

Know your power as a consumer and please do not abuse it. You literally have an impact on a person's life. Figuratively speaking, not in a if-you-don't-do-all-the-above, a person dies kind of way... But just thinking about the person behind the counter once in a while, will make them feel appreciated. Saying their name, asking how they're doing or simply "Thank you for your help today", can really make someone's day and it costs you nothing...

The Cashier Diaries: Episode 8 - Conversations as They Play in Every Cashier's Head

These are the conversations that a cashier never has with a customer outside of his or her own head, but these are the honest-to-goodness-true thoughts of a cashier, when asked certain questions by a customer.

What you hear, is the cashier's standardized, fake-friendly response of either encouraging/agreeable nods, grunts or "I understand"-resembling noises or standardized, "sure thing", "yes ma'am/sir or "absolutely, no problem",- while in the meantime, the answers below are playing in the cashier's mind:

#354: Q: "Can you put the trash bags in a separate bag?"
           A:"Why? Do you think there is some some sort of radioactive waste inside? Bio-hazardous materials? Wait, do you think there's actually trash in the box? They are new trash bags! In a closed, clean, and sealed box, you OCD freak!!!"

#429: Q:"Can I leave my cart here while I go to the bathroom?"
           A:"Nope, absolutely not, there will be no such business as going to the bathroom here, Lady!!!"

#457: Q:"Can I have my bread in it's own bag?"
           A:"Really, you don't want your bread squished by your 5lb weights and the Jillian Michaels DVD you just bought? Now there's a new concept!"

#516: Q:"Can I hang on to my soda?"
           A:"Absolutely not. (Makes a ghoulish voice with British accent) You cannot have your soda ever. Bwahahahahahahha!!)

#597: Q:"Does this stuff work?"
           A:"Yes, I work at a retail store. No, I haven't tried every single item we sell in the store."

#602: Q:"Where can I find [insert most obscure item you can possibly think of here]?"
           A:"The Whaaaaat?"

#689: Q:"There's a sign back there that says [insert item here] is 4.99!"
           A:"There's a sign my ass! You and I both know that there's no way in hell that this thing is that cheap, and your ass needs to actually read the sign properly next time. 9 out of 10 times your sign, is for the item above, below or adjacent to it and your wishful thinking made up that price in Lala-land. But sure, here I go, calling my supervisor, holding up my 3-deep line for your stupid price check. UGH I hate you and your children!!!

#732: Q: [kid hollers to mom] "Mom, can you tell her that I want my toy in its own bag?"
           A:"Dude, I'm standing right here and guess what, I can totally hear you! Yes, I can put your damn toy in its own damn bag."

#758: Q: "Can I pay with my credit card?"
           A: "What do you think this is, Walmart or something? Nope, we solely accept payment in either goats milk, silver coins, chickens or copper pots, like in the olden days."

#798: Q: "Can I get all my cold items together in one bag?"
           A:"And here I thought you'd want me to put your ice cream with your rotisserie chicken! Silly me!!!"

#823: Q: "Can you pack my bags light, please, I have to climb up to the 2nd floor!?"
           A: "What's the 2nd floor got to do with anything? Does your stuff magically get lighter, if you have more bags??? Jeez, would you just at least admit that you want free garbage bags, so we can all move on? You could totally spare me the trouble of packing two items at a time, by just asking me for 5 extra bags at the end! Gosh!

#845: Q: "Is [insert wildly popular item here] going to go on sale soon?"
           A: "Here, wait, let me just get my crystal ball really quick. Hang on. Yes, I see something! Is that? Wait! Oh, I'm sorry it says NEVER EVER!!!"


There are a million more where these came from, I may do a part two one of these days. If there are any cashier-readers among you, please feel free to post more in the comments. =)

The Cashier Diaries: Episode 7 - Human Behaviors as Analyzed by an MBA Cashier

 For starters, me and this job don't see eye-to-eye lately. I'm sure that this situation is in direct relation to a) my current out-of-control schedule and the 6 month anniversary of me working at Target, coming up in a few days. It is making me depressed, because it represents a landmark that I was convinced I'd never reach in this cashier job. Sadly, it's where I find myself right now. It's sort of an "out-of-body"-experience, reading my name and birthday printed in the break-room circular that's posted on every table in one of those plexi-glass holder thingies (right alongside the "anniversaries" --can you believe there's people that have worked for Target for 10, 11, 17 years??? It is a mystery to me...). an experience that I promised myself when I started there, that I would never encounter...

As I'm taking a step back to assess my job, my success (or lack thereof), my life and my fellow men (and women) based on customer behavior, I find that as a society we're fairly screwed up. Some of the human behaviors that we're willing to put forward toward a perfect stranger makes me wonder, how man (or woman) has survived on this earth for this long and come out on top. It's baffling.

Here are some of the categories of customers (or ultimately humans) and how I interpret them, basically the way folks come across in public, toward total strangers. Don't worry, it's not all bad, we're not completely doomed, but sometimes you do wonder if people ever think before they act...

The Grabbers/Snatchers
We have fairly high counters at Target, mostly for the convenience and comfort of the customer, the cashier bags your stuff, and puts it on the big surface at the end of the counter, for you to comfortably load your purchases in your cart and be on your way, while being out of the way of the next transaction. For that purpose, I have four bagging slots to fill, while person A is still loading their cart after paying. My biggest pet-peeve though is when people reach over the counter and attempt to grab their bags before I'm finished bagging. This usually results in a bunched up mess behind my counter, because along with their precious bag that has so far only a nail file, body lotion and a pleasure pack of condoms in it, they pull out the entire stack of plastic bags and then carelessly shove it back behind my counter. PERSONAL SPACE people, is that so hard? If you don't want your hemorrhoid ointment packed with your baked beans, just tell me and I'll bag accordingly. Don't grab the bag to avoid that from happening, just because you're too lazy to communicate. And especially, don't snatch the bag like it's a life or death moment where someone dies if you don't grab and snatch it before, God forbid, I put something with something else that will put your OCD brain into implosion mode.

The Throwers
       The Throwers are the folks who are just generally pissed-off. I call them throwers, because these high-strung specimen can't just merely put their stuff on the conveyor belt, let me do my job and be off into the sunset.  Nooo, these guys have to make a statement by throwing each item onto the belt and have it land with a loud thump, in order to communicate to the world that they want every one's attention, to let them know how pissed-off they are, and how much everything sucks.
       This behavior has of course nothing to do with Target, or the cashier, they've already been pissed when they walked through the door, either all day, all week or they just overall hate their lives and now for just two and a half minutes they know they've got my undivided attention, giving them the license to act up...what's cool about throwers though, besides the abuse for no apparent reason and already defensive and antagonizing behavior that is, ---they get madder and madder the friendlier you are.
       Now if you've been there a few months as a cashier and are fresh out of give-a-damns, you can actually have fun with those people, at their expense of course, but hey, if there's fun to be had on a dead-end $8-an-hour job, you take it buddy, whether you care to or not!!! In those cases I love to repeat the word Ma'am or Sir, about 18 different times, following every other word and an extra thank you or two, ---this usually really gets them going.
        Still its one of the more stressful experiences. Hard to not get angry at them and that is what would make them win. Shake it off...next guest....


The Suspicious/ Paranoid
Is everything in one bag? Do I have all my bags? Did I forget something? They won't come right out with it of course but what they really mean is, did you keep any of the stuff that I just bought, maybe stash it behind the counter or hide it under the register. No, sir, I don't give a damn about your cupcakes or your swiffer pads. They're in your bag. Now buzz off and stop thinking you're the most important person on the planet and the crap that you're buying is oh so interesting. It's not. OK?
Also, it always baffles me at how little people pay attention to what they are actually buying. You had five items on the belt, and you ask is everything in one bag?  Yes, I managed to fit your tweezers, your pop tarts, your gum, the garden hose nozzle and your hot-pink thong all in one bag. Oh, you should see the disappointment on their faces when you say that, yep, all in one bag, like somehow by some Jesus-style miracle, after they've paid for their five measly items, there should now be more than they actually bought and paid for, and we now fill two or three bags with things that appeared out of thin air.  Morons.....

The Oblivious and the Self-Absorbed
I love people on the phone. They get to your checkout lane all immersed in conversation, they don't acknowledge that you're there, or that you are providing a service for them, some even get aggravated when you "interrupt" their precious phone conversation trying to let them know their total. This is how far we've come as a society, we can't even acknowledge another human being who's right there in front of us so we can spend more time talking to someone who's not even there.  I'd bet, half of the time customers couldn't even tell you how much money they just spent, only to be surprised by it once they look at their receipt at home, probably returning half of the items the next day.
Funny enough, I've watched people time and time again do this: They are on the phone all the way through checking out and then, they hang up as soon as they're done, paid and ready to leave. Really? Would it have killed you to end that conversation just one minute earlier? I don't get it. And many a time after that, they come back to the register, with their receipt, saying oh, can you take off the earrings or oh, the price for the cheez-its should have been $2.49 instead of $2.99. I friendly refer them to customer service, and think in my head, well if you would've paid attention just one second as you're checking out, you now wouldn't be getting in another line at customer service to fix a mistake, that essentially, could have been avoided had you just paid attention for a minute. It's sad....

The Friendly, the Acknowledgers, and the Goody-Two-Shoes
Like I said, it's not all bad. There's plenty of friendly people, who are just normal, decent and nice. I like the ones that read my name-tag and call me by my name, even sometimes beat me to the punch, Hi Daniela and how are you today?. Makes your day just a little brighter to know, once in a while someone thinks of you as an actual person, rather than just the faceless robot who takes your money and gets you out of the store. I thank God for those people.
Like the lady with the ten kids, the smallest one just a toddler, the oldest one a lifeguard on palm beach and three girls in the middle, who are gymnasts. How I know this? Because we talk. This lady has a very busy day, along with recently a broken leg, but she does what she does and she is never too busy, too arrogant or too self-absorbed to take a minute to chat with me about the latest competitions of the girls, their Olympic aspirations and their gi-mongous need for groceries in a twelve person household.
Or the guy who stopped drinking heavily because his little granddaughter didn't like him when he drank. He now buys alcohol free beer by the palette, and always chats with me when he checks out.
Or the lady with a speach impairment, always shops with her little daughter and even her disability doesn't hold her back from being very friendly and sweet and chatty, acknowledging me even when checking out in an adjacent check-lane with another cashier.

The "Foreigners"
Some of the best conversations/experiences I've had as a cashier were with folks that I don't understand, usually of the hispanic variety. I don't speak Spanish, hence, we've got ourselves a huge language barrier there. Somehow though, I hardly ever have a problem communicating with these customers, not because we don't talk, but because we don't have to. Body language, common human decency and a kind look or smile go a long way, we're sort of on the same page. Also, I can't say that I've ever come across a grumpy "spanish" person at my register. I wonder why that is and secretly thank the lord for these nice folks.

Then there's the Germans and German Speaking, somehow they always find me as if they have a radar. It's funny, at first to not let on that I speak and understand their language. Being blessed with almost NO accent when speaking English, it's always fun to surprise them and bust out the German. Strangely enough though, as misbehaved, grumpy and serious as they are at home, the Germans are nice people once you take them out of Germany. It's funny how pleasant we actually are, once you give us a couple of palm trees, a pool and make the rain stop. Voila, a friendly, chatty German, may even rip a (still humorless yet somewhat funny) joke and talk to you about wine, beer and how our food is better than "theirs".

The Cashier Diaries: Episode 6 - Red and Khaki.

So, I think it's no secret that Target uniform consists of khaki pants and red shirts. When I started there, I have to admit that it felt weird to stop at a gas station and get out of the car to pump gas, because I felt that with that combination, everyone could identify me as a Target employee. Awkward.

The red and khaki combo is a natural match and I guess a nice enough combination. But riddle me this: Why would anyone wear a red top and khaki bottom to Target, WHO DOESN'T WORK THERE! I mean, jeez, guys, can I just tell you, it's hard enough to buy your lunch in that uniform, without getting your precious break-time assaulted with "where's the nail polish?" or "there are no more cart-wipes in the dispenser at the west entrance"!. Yet, everyday again, here's some middle-aged soccer-mom walking into the store sporting the red and khaki. Not that folks can't wear what the heck they want, hey, more power to ya, if you dare to walk into the Tar-jay with a resemblance of our uniform. But I wonder, 'Lady, do you get to shop at all??'

I really have always contemplated, what the reasoning behind wearing the same thing as the associates may be... Do people hope for a discount by being mistaken as an employee? Is it one of those American things, where every holiday has a proper uniform, like green on St.Paddy's Day, or Red on Christmas, so we have to wear red and khaki to celebrate "Target-shopping-day?" Or are people just that oblivious?... On my day off, if I really have to get something at Target, which I tend to try and avoid whenever possible: Blue is my friend. And Black. And Grey. And any color in the palette except: RED!!!

Here's my advice to you: if you must wear red on your visit to the Bulls-eye, bring a jacket, a scarf, something to disguise the red, whatever you do, don't flaunt the red shirt at Target if what you're trying to do is peaceful shopping. MOST IMPORTANTLY, do not step foot into the Electronics department. I had to go there once (and by that I mean once and never again!!) on my break to check out a price for something over there. I thought any second I was going to to be tackled and wrestled to the ground by hungry entertainment and gadget junkies. I literally had 5 people jump on me at once with technical questions and "do you work here's". I walked right back out and brought a grey sweater the next day and aaaaahhhhhh ---I was invisible. Wonderfully, grey and invisible. It's like Clark Kent with the glasses. Put on a sweater and you can fool everyone....hello peaceful break-time...

I'm just saying, unless you want someone to come up to you and tell you to empty the hanger bin, just wear any combination of NOT RED AND KHAKI.

The Cashier Diearies: Episode 5 - Doors Open 8 am

Having now had my share of opening shifts at Target, which means being there just before the store opens at 8am, a few patterns seem to emerge and it is these patterns that I want to talk about today, --and maybe throw out an opinion or two.

First of all, I'm baffled by the idea of people accumulating in front of the store at about 7.45, waiting for the doors to open. The concept really escapes me, because I wonder: 'What on earth do you need so urgently, that it compels you to be in front of a store at the crack of dawn, staring alternately at your own wrist watch and at the hours sign on the door, giving whoever comes to open that door, the dirtiest of looks should they even be a minute behind schedule (determined by said time-piece on your own wrist!)?!

Now, allow me to establish, this is the situation EVERY REGULAR WEEKDAY! As I walk up to the door, I worry on a regular basis that I may be eaten alive by a mop of shopping-hungry customers. This fear of course, has its foundation in the fact that upon flashing proper red and khaki attire, Florida and Target ID, I'm let in through the side door, past the small crowd that has formed in front of the sliding doors.  Every day when I see this scenario, the image of "Shaun of the Dead" pops into my head. In my case though, the zombies are target customers, who crunch bundles of money in their scraggly fists, dragging their feet towards the doors of Super Target, bloodshot-eyes following me as I get to escape into the store before they can get inside. The thought makes me giggle every time I look at the folks by the door in the morning.

Still I'm left to wonder, there are no freebies, the new circular came out on Sunday, we have no early-bird specials and you also don't win a prize if you're the first person in, so what is it that draws people to the stores at this ungodly hour? You could be sleeping, having coffee, watching the news or getting some morning nookie, any number of things you could be doing! --but no, you choose to be waiting in front of a Target store at 8 AM to see our REGULAR EVERY DAY OFFERING. How crazy is that??? I mean really, have the 10 hours that we've been closed for the night deprived you so much that you gotta be back first thing?

Fascinating the whole thing really, but now, let's focus on the stuff people buy when they get here this early. First, there are the two most normal scenarios: Hunger and Emergencies. There's always "bagel-guy", dude in his late 20's has been coming to the store first thing in the morning since the store first opened, and buys 2 bagels. Everyday, NO FAIL. I think if he ever didn't come we'd have to alert the authorities. I don't know if I'm the only one that thinks about this kind of stuff, but this guy, with his two bagels for 99 cents each, spends $13.86 every week, that makes roughly $59 a month and $713 a year. Hell, he may be our best customer, in terms of consistency. I wonder if any of the other cashiers ever do the math on that and better yet, if they treat him accordingly. Out of all of our customers, he may leave more money in our store by getting two bagels a day, than most do all year. Since I thought about that, I have decided to be extra nice to him.

Emergencies can be any number of things including, but not limited to baby formula, band/aids and iodine, bug spray, diapers, tampons and pads, cold medication, laxatives/immodium, anything that ya just can't wait any longer, have to have it, right now. I totally get that. And they never bug me. I have plenty of hand sanitizer at my station to deal with every "bug" a person hands me along with their money, while buying stuff for their ailments. We've all been there...

But then, a pattern has emerged here lately that is both amusing and disturbing at the same time. An overwhelming majority of people, who shop at 8 am, buy UNDERWEAR and SOCKS/Pantyhose. That begs the question, what in the world is the matter with folks' undergarments? Do they not wash clothes? Did they have a potty accident on their way to work? What is the deal? This phenomenon spreads by the way throughout the different demographics, suit guys, blue collar workers, office chicks, track-suit mommies, lawn-and-yard-guys, etc.  And all of them in need of underneath apparel in the 8 o'clock hour???!!! Personal opinion: too lazy to do laundry. Still weird though...

Also, a very popular early morning buy: Scented Candles! Tea-lights, votives, jar candles, Febreze, any sorts of air freshener and scented plugs for the home. Fascinating. Again I try to reason about the thought process of a person, who has got to hurry and get to Target at 8 o'clock in the morning to get some scented candles for the house. "Honey, I have to run, we're all out of scented candles" 'said no-one ever', I'm thinking to myself. Filed that one under weird as well, somewhere in a far corner of my brain.

Interesting this week: Hampers. 8 am, first customer that I had bought a hamper. Again, I'm thinking of the conversation in my head "Honey, I'm sick of all this laundry laying around, I'm gonna go to Target first thing today and get a bigger hamper, so we can store all this dirty laundry. I'll get one big enough so we only have to do laundry every three weeks...I'll buy some underwear too while I'm there so we have enough until we do laundry next..." Laughing out loud (only in my head of course!)...)

Ten Years in the Making

As I sit here writing these lines, I reminisce on a ten-year long uphill-climb that lead me to this day. Today, I received my ten-year green-card in the mail.
I can't help but think about the many roadblocks and defining moments that have marked this journey that wasn't always easy, but somehow seemed to make sense to me or else I wouldn't have put myself through this process.
Here is a collection of little thoughts and moments that pop into my head, every time I think about events small and big that were leading up to this day, today, where I hold this little 'permanent resident card', as it is officially called, in my hands. Contrary to popular belief by the way, it is not actually green.

I got here almost ten years ago now, on August 8th 2002, to start my year at Northwood University West Palm Beach, after having to visit the US embassy in Frankfurt for my visa.  Back then, it was still in its old location in the midst of a residential neighborhood. This was, of course, less than a year after 9/11 and hence security was high. I had to park blocks away from the actual embassy and walked up to the building, finding German military tanks protecting the US embassy and sitting in the middle of the road of this otherwise almost suburban and tranquil neighborhood, right next to the botanical garden. Long lines were moving slowly and controlledly, snaking into the building as it is the famous American way of patience and discipline. I stood in line for about 10 hours that day to submit my paperwork for my 1-year-exchange bachelor's degree program.

Shortly after I arrived in West Palm Beach, and slowly started furnishing my room with regular student-grade furniture from K-Mart and Co, I got myself a little CD radio for my room. When trying to tune the local stations, the first one I found was "Sunny 104.3", a local soft-rock station with a lady called Delilah for a DJ, who would regularly do shout-outs to the Students of Northwood University. I remember feeling welcomed. The first song that played that night was "I'm already there" by LoneStar, sort of a country-pop-ish band from Texas. Every time from that day on, this song would bring me back to that moment, only days after I arrived here. I listened to that song tonight with a feeling of having come full-circle.

Northwood proved stressful the first couple of days. There was the lightning-fast-talking teachers, who were really hard to understand with their American accents at the beginning. And then there was the crazy-stranded-on-a-Caribbean-island-looking dude in my class from the Island of Trinidad. He had such a peculiar accent, always emphasizing the wrong syllable (for my British-English taught ears, anyway), making words sound so different and weird that the first couple of times I heard him talk, I would have sworn up and down, that guy is speaking some weird island language. And then there was the "all-American, sports-team captain-guy, who asked to borrow my pen and then threw it back to me, snarling "Thanks a lot, foreigner." Even though that hurt a little, I quickly dismissed that comment, thinking, obviously he feels threatened by the fact that he heard me speak another language and he never learned one.

I'll never forget Northwood graduation at the Kravis Center. My parents were there, and I was afraid to throw my cap up in the air, as is tradition after the graduation ceremony, worried that I wouldn't find it again, since I wanted to keep it as a souvenir. So I threw it a little, like half a meter or so. It makes me laugh to think back at that. After that I applied for my first work visa, started to work at a BMW/Porsche Dealership and moved into my first ever own place.


To be continued....

The Cashier Diaries: Episode 4 -Concession Stand Gone Full Scale

Those of you who live in the area, know how close our dear Super Target is located to Regal Cinema. Now, we all love the movies, but what we don't like, (that is, besides the astronomical ticket prices of course) are the ridiculous concession-stand prices for a teeny-tiny little box of goobers or a microscopic bag of sour patch kids.

Well, to avoid all that high-priced nonsense, the fashion industry has given us girls a wonderful gift: The HOBO-BAG. It is large enough to fit a king-sized snickers, a full size bag of Haribo and rice crispy snacks for you AND your six movie-loving friends, maybe even a couple of soda bottles --on a real good day even a Starbucks or two (writing this makes me laugh, because I'm so that girl!!!).

But, to get to the point, every self-respecting teenager, little family, even the elderly ladies, stop at Target first and sneak their food into the Regal theater, like good boys and girls. Sometimes, the sequence of items bought screams just so obviously movie-goer, that sometimes I just can't help myself and just ask as I'm ringing them up, "So, what movie are you guys gonna go see?" The reactions are a wide spectrum of hilarious, ranging anywhere from sheepish grins, to downright bragging or just knowingly giggling or flat-out denying their intentions. All of them are equally entertaining, I assure you.

Just the other day I was manning the express check-out as I got to witness first-hand a group of elderly purplish-gray-haired ladies having a hell-of-a-time picking their movie snacks, followed by a proud announcement that they're in a hurry to make the matinee (basically telling me to get my butt in gear). After that they loudly proceeded to sort their loot in the different old-lady-sized handbags right there on my counter, alas, holding up an entire line of impatient express-checker-outers and causing a ruckus all the way to the Target sliding doors. Upon leaving, the silver-hair gang was not only thoroughly pleased with themselves, but still noisily chattering, snickering and hooting. 'Good for them' I thought to myself 'way to have fun in your seventies!'

Then today, I had a group of three of your average wannabe-nerdy kids with the fake glasses and the plat pants or argyle sweaters, buying the following: one orange soda, one Dr. Pepper and (one rebel with) an iced Starbucks coffee drink, three rice crispy snacks, a bag of Doritos, a bag of Twizzlers and a large Hershey bar. You have three guesses!!! They each paid their $3.57 separately, and, as the last one goes to slide their debit card, I couldn't resist."So, what movie are you guys gonna see?" I swear that one was the funniest one yet. The three kids, looked at me, like I just caught them with their hands in the cookie jar. Their squirming was so obvious, I almost had to laugh out loud. It was so freakin' funny. The funky-glassed girls found her composure first and stammered (like she owes me, the target cashier an explanation in the first place) i..i...its OK.... I work there.... the other one looks at her like  'wtf?' and says "Oh my god, shut up, that almost makes it worse". At this point I'm just giggling, assuring them "It's OK, I won't tell, I promise"... I was still giggling when they walked away.

Made my day. There's something really encouraging about folks in the process of having a day filled with fun and guilty pleasure. Brightens your day and the fact that you're there working just a little every time.

The Cashier Diaries: Episode 3 - Beyond his years.

Usually on an average day, after about a half an hour or so at the register, your brain pretty much turns on the auto-pilot and goes on vacation to places anywhere but Target. This is something that happens automatically, just due to the monotony of the job at hand. However, every once in a while a customer manages to bring you back to reality and gets your attention a little either by being funny, witty, unexpected or, as it was in this case thought-provoking. That being said, the customer in question was about 7 years old, freckle-faced and blond-haired and on a shopping-trip with his grandma...

As I am ringing their items, making small-talk with grandma, he seems very lost in thought, staring at the camera eye over my head and then looking intently around the ceiling at the store. As I'm done ringing, he gets my attention and asks: Is that over your head there a camera? I say "yes, that is a camera." "And all the ones on the ceiling and over there on the wall, they are cameras too?" "Yes," I say, "all those are cameras." Nodding knowingly and gravely, he adds, "I guess people steal a lot, that's why you need all those cameras here?!" I try to make it sound positive and harmless and say, "Yes, that's one of the reasons why we have them, but also for safety, to keep our guests and employees safe..." I only half believe what I say, being the cynical grown-up that I am...he picks up on that and adds in a heavy tone and voice way beyond his years... "Yeah, I wish we'd live in a world where we didn't need cameras..." I was blown away and could actually feel my eyebrows shoot up in surprise as I exchange looks with his grandma, and grandma adds "Well, Mason, maybe your generation can change that"....

The kid just nodded that knowing nod from earlier and I thought to myself, 'yes, Mason, I hope you go on to do something amazing, I'm routing for you...'

The Cashier Diaries: Episode 2 - The Things Kids say or do at Checkout.

Little Miss Bossy
So, the cutest little girl, about four years old, big mop of curly hair on her head, sits in the shopping cart as her mom unloads. The last two items being a chocolate milk for little Miss Priss and a diet pepsi for mom. Mom opens her bottle just after the little one does, as missy blurts in a loud, completely serious and determined voice: "Mom. mom, don't spill, ok?"  For a second, I was speechless and Mom gave me that resigned look of 'see what I'm dealing with here'. Hilarious. Made my day.

Lights out
Little boy and his Dad are in my line, I had just started ringing their order as, next thing you know it's lights out at the store. Complete power outage, pitchblack dark, all registers down and out, about 3 people in line after the son and dad duo. A power outage is rough as it is in a big store like Target, and though the lights came back on quickly enough, the registers take time to power back up, which makes for a long wait and a bunch of cranky folks. Needless to say, NO baby is happy in the checkout line on any day, but, especially not, when nothing is happening, no beep-beep of the items ringing up, nothing being packed in plastic bags, no tapping the touchpad of the credit card machine...all in all, his mood was headed downhill quickly.
Now, here I witnessed a really interesting phenomenon: All adults involved in this line had one uniform thought: Whatever happens, we gotta keep this little dude happy or ALL of us are going to be very unhappy. There's something about a screaming kid, that just sends shudders down every grown woman and man's (and for that matter, every cashier's) spine. It's one of the most dreaded experiences on both sides of the checkout counter. In unison and almost immediately, all in line as well as me behind the counter, proceeded to make faces, sing, dance, gesture, make baby sounds and even wiggle vegetables like beets and celery in front of the little man's face, animating them with our own voices, just to keep him entertained. It's the moment where every self-respecting adult knows what's good for him/her and happily makes the biggest fool out of themselves, just to prevent the dreaded kiddy-scream. Very funny in retrospect.

Hide and Sneak
As a cashier you have to be aware and at all times ready for the old "hide and sneak". Parents, who desperately try to attempt the impossible, which is to shop in peace WHILE their kids are present, use this trick frequently. They pass the toy section first and give their kids a toy from the toy department, to play with WHILE shopping, in the meantime they move on to browsing other areas of the store, desperately hoping that the toy will keep them busy enough, until they've tried on that pair of astronomically high hooker-heels or figured out what to buy with the $5 gift card they get back when they buy both the His AND Her's KY jelly...
And frankly if you're good, using this technique, may actually allow you to have peace and quiet for a few minutes on the shopping trip. --But make no mistake, those parents who have NO intention to actually buy said toy once it comes time to check out better be a pro at the "hide and sneak"!!  If not, the entire store will erupt with a kiddie-explosion, the likes even the most seasoned cashier dreads and that makes the perfectly-shined Target floors shake all the way down to the LOD's (leader on duty) office...
You better hope the parent knows how to be super stealth about taking that toy AWAY from the kid (and I mean Ninja-style), sneaking it back to the cashier while making the universal "I don't want to buy this but don't let him know that" face, NO WORDS REQUIRED. Every cashier knows what that face looks like, what it means --and boy, if you're the cashier you better be quick on the draw (or the sneak) to hide that darn toy in the strays under the counter, so as to not be the one setting off the kiddie-explosion yourself. Oh the joys of cashier-dom.

The Cashier Diaries - Episode 1 Introducing Stories of a Target Cashier

So, just as we moved back here to Florida, right before the 2011 holiday season, I decided to take the first job that came my way, just to pass the time while finding a "real" job, and to make some money while searching for other opportunities.

Turns out that that first job was a holiday cashier position a the local Super Target store. (It doesn't hurt to get that employee discount either). So I've been doing that for a while and really have gotten a whole new perspective. Being a cashier has taught me many things, that not even my MBA program was able to provide: people are mean, people are nice, people are compassionate, people care, people don't give a shit, people use and abuse the system, people are literally just out to humiliate someone, people are willing to give you the time of day....I guess what I'm trying to say, no other job has given me such an insight into so many different walks of life and personalities, than this little cashier gig.

I see the good, the bad, the funny, the ugly, the nasty, the gross, the cute, the humble, the sad, the hilarious and many other things in between on a daily basis  --and exactly that is what I want to write about a bit here in small little episodes, as I make new experiences.

One thing is for sure, even though most people look at me like I'm crazy, when they hear that I took this job, for so little money and so relatively much work, "but you have a Master's degree" blablabla is the phrase that always rings in my ear. --Let me tell you something, this job has made me friendlier, more sociable, more compassionate, but also more wary of bullcrap, which I hear my fair share of, my greeting and addressing of people has changed and become more refined. I realize, I have a lot to be thankful for, and I take a lot of pride in what I do, as I ALWAYS do, whether it is being a cashier or a manager somewhere. I won't be doing this forever, but while I am, I may as well share some of the experiences that may make you think, giggle, laugh out loud, or sometimes even make you angry or shake your head in disbelief. Just go on that journey with me on occasion, who knows what you might find...